Don’t feed the beast.

Well I did and now I’m craving freaking carbs. This afternoon is better, this morning was hard. Yesterday I had A half slice/piece of pita. The day before, PIZZA. Sorry 24-day challenge/cleanse. I rocked your plan like 95% on days 1-10, when it called for 80% buy-in, then days 11+ when diet strictness called for 90% commitment, I started the crash.

When I get sick, the fat girl inside of me wants pizza. Why I can’t be a normal person and want chicken noodle soup, I don’t know. For the last decade, all I can remember craving when I am sick is pizza. Saturday – Sunday – Monday – Tuesday, I basically ate one meal per day. Who knows what was wrong with me, but for the first of those several days, I held strong. I felt like garbage, but resisted the pizza urges. Monday and Tuesday, home from work, I subsisted on saltines and Gatorade. The saltines I feel are negligible to my diet, because I needed something in my body. By Tuesday evening I was feeling better, but the urge was still there. I caved with a Papa John’s medium pepperoni pizza.

Within minutes of ordering the pizza, I regretted my action. During the time it took for the pizza to be made, I went to the grocery store and bought salmon burgers, asparagus, cauliflower, celery, apples and plums as a way to make up for bad behavior. But I still ate pizza when I got home. I wish that pizza tasted like heaven on a plate and therefore would make up for my regret. But no, it tasted like a Papa John’s pizza, I didn’t even make it worth the cheat with Tommy’s or Angelo’s.

Today is day 18, I’m on back track. My half-piece of pita yesterday was a way to slowly lessen the “I-need-something-like-a-bread-carb” urges. This morning at breakfast, I shared my inclination and desire to scarf some toast or a bagel and was told “don’t feed the beast.” The beast apparently is the little carb monster living inside of me. The advice made me laugh, but rings true. By feeding the beast, I awakened the little craving monster inside that now I have to battle back into submission. Knowing that I feel better without the massive amount of bad carbs I used to gorge myself helps. Mostly because my bad carbs were often in the form of processed foods and microwave lunches. This whole change of eliminating bad carbs really is a change towards real foods. I’m still trying to find the happy balance of not having cravings, while eating real and good food. It’s out there and I am diligently searching.

Fun update on my coworker who last week I mentioned lost 10lbs doing the Herbal Cleanse. She decided to continue the full 24-day challenge with me. 15lbs and counting – keep it up girl!


1 Comment

  1. Jillian,
    I think this post reaffirms why I think Weight Watchers is a bad idea for you. You said before that WW lets you still eat the food you love but in smaller quantities. This means your don’t break the emotional connection with food. This is also my biggest issue. Look what happened when the sh!t hit the fan, you started to go down the wrong path. It was good that you stopped yourself but right now your will is strong. What happens 6 months from now, 1 year from now? I would encourage you to break the emotional connection with food. I don’t think you will do that with WW.

    Think what’s going to happen when you get closer to your goal and you start to let your guard down. 1-2 years later the weight is back. Does this senarior sound familiar? Happened to me a lot also.

    Still wishing you LONG LASTING success.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

UA-36017891-1